At the Supporter's Support Group last night we watched Lars and The Real Girl. It is a great movie about the importance of community, acceptance, support and participation in one another's lives, whether we have 'issues' or not.
In the movie, Lars has issues and he does something very strange - you will have to watch it - I don't want to give it away.
But his community, after they get over the shock and stuff, rally around him and participate in his life without passing judgement or telling him what to do. I think this response from them expedites his healing, since he was then able to go through the process without needing to deal with those around him at the same time. It is a powerful lesson for us all.
They were initiatly judgemental and horrified, and then they decided to lay that down in humility and love.
They decided to let go the fact that they thought he was crazy and wrong, and love him anyway.
They didn't just tolerate him, they supported him.
They followed his lead and didn't try to make it into something it wasn't or to direct his process.
They put their own reputations on the line for him and they supported each other as they supported him.
They were willing to be in embarrassing situations in order to support him.
Their support of him was contagious.
They didn't shun him or hide him, in fact his family went to the community and asked them to support Lars.
They challenged him when he got his boundaries messed up.
They didn't patronize him.
They laughed and partied and loved and grieved with him.
They didn't rush him.
They didn't argue with him and insist he get over it.
They dealt with their own issues that came up as a result of Lar's behaviour, esp. his brother, and owned their own stuff.
They didn't try to fix him, they loved him.
In not trying to fix him, they actually enabled him to be fixed.
I think in doing what they did they became a stronger community as well, and Lars brought out the best in them.
May we learn to be such a community.
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This is one of my favourite movies. I saw it while in New Brunswick and have watched it at least three times since. I just found it so refreshing.
ReplyDeleteAs I was reading this blog I had the scene pop into my head of when Lars' brother and wife went to the church elders to ask for help, and at first they received great resistance and unwillingness to accept Lars and his issue. But then one of the woman pointed out several flaws and issues of some of their family members and said with a shrug, "Things happen. Lars is a good boy. You can depend on me." The priest then goes on to encourage the group to ask WWJD, which is partially a comical moment in the movie, but at the same time true.
Jesus said to take the plank out of our own eyes before we try to take the speck out of another. I just noticed that change in words now as I read the verse in Matthew... their "speck of sawdust" and my "plank".
It's about seeing the person not the sin.
"Lars is a good boy..." Remembering that we are good people who are broken and hurting and therefore, mess up sometimes. But in our mess up we don't need to be told that we need to be fixed or we have a problem and here's what we need to do about it... deep down we probably already know... What we really need is to be loved, accepted, listened to and embraced as we stumble towards the light. How much of our good intentions keep people fumbling in the dark longer than necessary? ...eeeghh..
My comment has taken a life of it's own.
I just wanted to say Shelley I hear you and agree.
Father, teach us to be such a community. Amen.