Hi All
This is a post in a bit of a different vein - I want to expose a lie that is going around in our midst, not for the first time, I am sure. I wanted to write about it because it seems to make sense to many of us, and so this lie can spread through the body like a virus. And like a virus, it can take many of us out, sometimes for a long time.
I know this because I have believed this one before - it sounds logical, it makes sense, and it connects with my own insecurities about being in a community.
The lie is something like this: "If I stop calling people (to talk, get together and initiate friendship) then no one will call me. People only connect with and care about me because I call them, and they are nice. No one really cares about me, and I know this because if I never called them they wouldn't call me, and that will prove that it is true, no one really cares about me."
Ever had that thought? Maybe you have heard someone express this thought to you, and it stuck with you. Maybe even reading this you feel a knot inside, because when you read it it rings true. But I want to think about this for a minute.
If this is true - then the following must also be true
1. My needs are their responsibility. Others should just know when I need to talk to someone. They should know by looking at me if I am down or not.
2. People who are currently responding to my invitations are doing it out of obligation, they don't really like me - therefore they are living a lie.
3.I am alone in the world.
Are those things true though?
1.Whose responsibility are my needs, truly? Mine, and mine to surrender to Jesus. When another calls me and it is perfect timing and I think they must have known, how do I think that happened? Are they a mind-reader? Or did the Holy Spirit just take care of me? If I pick up the phone and talk to someone and they encourage me, isn't that also the Holy Spirit? So who takes care of my needs? The Holy Spirit, when I ask him for what I need. Do I need to tell the Holy Spirit how and through who, to take care of me? No, I can trust him. I need to ask, and I need to ask the right person - the one who can help - the Holy Spirit. And if he helps me through someone, then I mustn't forget that it came from him, through them, and not from them. And if he supports me through a bunch of different people and in unpredictable ways so that I can never nail it down, is that okay?
2.Is it true that the people currently responding to my initiatives for friendship or support don't really like me, and are only doing it out of obligation? That is something that only God can know, since He is the only one who sees into someone's heart. But what I can know is that God is true, God loves me, God cares so much about me that I cannot begin to understand how much. So if he chooses to support me through messed up christians who sometimes try too hard - does that matter? Isn't that a miracle and grace? Throughout history God always uses messed up people to accomplish his purposes. He seems okay with that, and he even loves us and transforms us from people who are trying too hard, into people who love genuinely.
3.Am I alone in the world? The obvious answer is no, because God is always with me. But I challenge you too, to ask God this question, and wait and watch for his answer. That's what I did, I thought it was only fair that I give him the chance to prove me wrong, or to prove himself right.
The other way to test something for truth is to walk it out and see where you end up; in truth,life and love, or separated from God. I have done that.
I have tried this strategy - I stopped calling anyone, and waited to see if anyone called me. And of course they didn't, and this lie was then proven true for me. I had just proved that no one cared about me. Why? Because no one really cares about me? or because I had just been set up by the enemy to believe that about myself? When I did this I walked right into that lie; I believed it to be true that no one cares about me, so I became angry and depressed, and in my depression I also stopped calling anyone else who might need my friendship. What I did as an experiment became my life. The enemy very effectively cut me off from support and community because I listened to this lie.
Eventually I became so down I started to question God's love for me too, and fortunately for me that woke me up. How could I question that? What was I doing? I couldn't read the bible without coming across it. His word tells me unmistakably that not only does he love me, but that he takes care of me, and that he knows what I need. I had to decide - do I really believe the bible or not? So I re-focused on that, and began to replace lies with truth. I didn't start calling people again right away though. I started calling Jesus when I was down and needed support. I literally would walk home from work every night and talk to Jesus
"Jesus, I am down today, I am REALLY not looking forward to being alone tonight with nothing to do. etc. So that's how I am right now, but Jesus I know you know what I need, you promise to take care of me, and so I am leaving how I feel with you, and I choose to trust you."
I can tell you that Jesus took very good care of me, and he still does. I still had times alone, and had to re-affirm my choice to believe. And I walked home most times talking to him and asking and terrified that he would not take care of me. And many many times I was totally caught off guard by Jesus telling me he loved me, through a song, a line on a check-out line magazine display, a billboard, a random stranger, anything.
And yes I call people now, when I can, because I love my friends - I want to be with them, and so I call and make plans. And I love it when they call me because I want to be with them, I am touched when they think of me, and I give what I have, which is me. In fact I wish I had more time and could call more people.
One last thing - think of it - if we all stop calling each other because we are believing the lie above, then for sure no one is calling you or me because we are all sitting at home depressed because no one is calling us. And then the devil has acheived his goal: convinced us all that we are alone and unloved, stolen the heart of God from us, and destroyed the whole community.
Psalm 62:(New International Version)
11 One thing God has spoken,
two things have I heard:
that you, O God, are strong,
12 and that you, O Lord, are loving.
Sincerely
Shelley Maw
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